I'd like to thank the people who buy the gift bags. Because of you, I have never had to buy a gift bag. Thank you, from the bottom of my large gift bag filled with smaller gift bags.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) December 18, 2018
My mom taught me to treat others the way I wanted to be treated, but you’d be surprised how many people don't want their shoulders massaged while in line at the grocery store.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) November 30, 2017
My uterus is retired, but keeps showing up for work like, "you got anything for me to do?"
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) November 5, 2016
If there's one thing I am good at, it's putting reusable bags in the car, driving them to the store, and not taking them inside.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) September 18, 2016
My kids are so aware that I'm a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) August 27, 2016
It would be easier on everyone if my kids' teachers would cut out the middle man and email my homework assignments directly to me.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) September 14, 2016
If I die before I wake, I died doing what I loved.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) February 14, 2018
Being an introvert isn't being shy or hating people. It's just having to hang out in the bathroom stall until the other person leaves.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) December 9, 2016
In retribution, I only follow 77 men for every 100 women.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) November 29, 2016
Toddler: Sky blue?
A Regular Mom: Yes! The sky is blue!
A Mommy Blogger: 7 Important Reasons Why I Won’t Tell My Children The Sky Is Blue
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) July 13, 2018
Before kids: How does a kid lose a shoe in a parking lot?
After kids: WHERE is your other shoe?!
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) May 23, 2018
I'm not usually vengeful, but when I am it's because someone gave my kid a whistle.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) October 21, 2016
But am I clapping for you or high-fiving myself over and over? You'll never know.
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) December 16, 2016
What if your soul mate is just some idiot who likes your butt?
— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) March 21, 2018
K.
—A passive aggressive text story— Kelly Meldrum (@KellyMeldrum) May 10, 2018
Kelly Meldrum 